Are you ever at a loss for words? There are times when we simply don't know
what to say, so we remain silent.
Sometimes we come to regret our silence when we realize later what we
should have said. Worse still, we
sometimes say the wrong things and only make matters worse. How can we know the right things to say at
the right times? The Scriptures have the
answers.
The Bible contains many passages that
give instruction about our speech, but let us focus now on the plain and simple
guidelines given in Ephesians 4:29. This
verse is given in a context that describes "the new self, which in the likeness
of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth” (Eph.
4:24). This "new self” is to be changed
in every facet of life from the old self, which was outside of Christ and
corrupted (Eph. 4:20-22). This change
for Christians includes a complete overhaul to our manner of speech. To that point, Paul says, "Let no unwholesome
word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification
according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who
hear.” Let us consider each part of this
instruction as rules to speak by.
The first rule of speech from Ephesians
4:29 is a prohibition against "unwholesome” words. This term "unwholesome” (Gr. sapros) literally means rotten or
putrid. Just as you would not knowingly
put any rotten morsel of food in your mouth, so also you should not allow any
rotten word to proceed from your mouth.
We can avoid words that are unwholesome and rotten by also following
Paul's complementary instruction in Ephesians 4:31 – "Let all bitterness and
wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all
malice.” Unwholesome words arise from these
sinful attitudes, so we can eliminate rotten words from our mouths by
eliminating rotten thoughts from our hearts.
Furthermore, Paul says, "There must be no filthiness and silly talk, or
coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks” (Eph.
5:4). This is not a ban against good
humor and cheerfulness, but rather it is a prohibition against profane,
suggestive, and inappropriate words. No
such unwholesome speech should be found in the mouths of Christians.
The second rule of speech from Ephesians
4:29 is a positive instruction for words of edification. The Christ-given mandate for edification in
the church has already been established earlier in this same chapter. Paul said that Christ "gave some as apostles,
and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and
teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the
building up of the body of Christ” (Eph. 4:11-12). Furthermore, he said that each individual
member of the church is to speak the truth in love as a means of causing the "growth
of the body for the building up of itself in love” (Eph. 4:15-16). Therefore, we are to say words that serve to
build up and encourage one another individually and the church as a whole.
Notice that Paul qualified this second
rule by saying that our edifying words should be "according to the need of the
moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” This suggests the idea of saying the right
thing at the right time. The "need of
the moment” should be a factor in what we decide to say, and not every moment
is the same. Some moments need words of
encouragement and gentle instruction.
Other moments need frank honesty, reality checks, and wake-up calls. Still other moments require sharp rebukes and
admonitions. Every moment needs words of
truth, for Ephesians 4:25 says, "Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth
each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” From moment to moment, we must use the good
judgment that we gain from diligence with the Scriptures and the exercise of
their teachings (2Tim. 2:15; Heb. 5:14).
In all of our words, we must keep in mind the effect upon our hearers,
for our goal in speaking must be to "give grace to those who hear.” It is our hearers, not ourselves, that must
be served by our words.
Therefore, let us refrain from
unwholesome words and speak words that are good for edification. These are not difficult instructions to
understand, but they are sometimes difficult to follow. The difficulty comes from careless, selfish,
or sinful attitudes that create obstacles in keeping the simplicity of God's
commandments. Let us cast those
attitudes aside and purify our hearts in God's word (1Pet. 1:22-23) so that our
words will comply with God's will.
Having done this, we will know what to say, and our words will bring
glory to God and grace to men.
